I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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