That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
