I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
