So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
