We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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