According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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