Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
