Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Even the bartender felt bad for me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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