I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
