Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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