I hate your face
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there