u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha