If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
