It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
