12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I smell like Dick and happiness
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
