New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize