Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My liver just had a heart attack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
