Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
