hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
