Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
someone owes me an orgasm
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
