how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
