The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
