i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
