I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
