She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
