are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
