Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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