Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
