You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
