what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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