How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You smell like stripper and shame
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
