I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
