He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize