Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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