I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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