I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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