Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
