:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
