apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's rum buckets o'clock
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
