the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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