If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
