It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
false alarm. still invincible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
