seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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