Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
