Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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