You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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