Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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