tell your sister to shave her snatch
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
