Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
