The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
