you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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