and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I touched a dick in church today
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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