My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
