I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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