So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So squirting runs in the family.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
