I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
