sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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