What a fucking waste of an outfit
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
