So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.