If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
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she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night