My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible