Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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