why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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