there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
