she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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