My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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