I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
