Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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