she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
